Opening Moves

The first moves are always the most delicate time with new clients. I have to be at my most diplomatic when they first make contact with me.

How do I describe what I do to a nervous new client, whose head is often filled with wild preconceptions about what I would do with her (or him) once they submit their minds to me? I mean, "Your Space Is Sacred" sounds cool, but do I really honour this pledge in real life? Is the temptation to have the client dance naked on the table sometimes too great?

Initial reassurances have to count. I can't imagine or predict what you might do if I told you that, by reading Going Underground or The White Room, you may well already have been in a deep trance. If you react negatively to the revelation, imagine how you could react to, say, Johnny Depp walking in to your room, sitting in front of you and having a nice chat.

Imagine how you'd react if, while texting me, there is a knock on the door and it's Katy Perry, dressed in nothing but a fluffy dressing gown. Or Stoya, the porn actress.

Or that hot girl next door whom you fancy something rotten, dressed in the flimsiest-looking see-through negligee you have ever seen.

I'm not the only hypnotist who uses sense play to toy with your senses. Other hypnotists do something similar - but, being people from the Kinkosphere, they can't resist making their experiences degrading - invisible creepy hands in the dark or in the shower, whiplashes without source, invisible handcuffs and rope. The usual.

So when I start on you, my clients, and toy with your senses, you know what I do?

I drop a flower on your lap. I give you a box of chocolates. If you're big enough to handle those - and those chocolates taste delicious - I drop the next big thing into the room at your feet.

One of these.


Trust me, you can never feel creeped out with a stiff lungful of N₂O to make you feel like you're visiting a circus.

What then? Is there a "then?"

Of course there is.

I've been telling people about this, but so far only my clients are aware of this - during our sessions, things can get more than a little bit weird.

Consider this. This evening, as I was working out what to say in this blog, a first-time client sitting in a Starbucks saw something incredible - Johnny Depp and Serena Williams: yes, he of the being hot and generally being number one in many people's fantasies, and she of the racket and the grunting, entering the coffee shop.

Naked.

As my new client watched, they looked around, decided it wasn't worth it and took off down the street, still naked ... and of course, nobody so much as blinked an eye.

Which they wouldn't, it being San Francisco and all.

So how can I actually explain this to you, my new clients, knowing the wild ride that is about to come and knowing how much it will freak you out knowing that you'll see and hear and sense these things, even knowing that they are illusions?

Well, now you know where the diplomacy comes in. And why I need it. Because, unlike Derren Brown - who does this sort of thing for a living - I'm just doing this thing for the kicks.

And the growing cult of followers, sure, but mostly for the kicks.

So it pays to be diplomatic, and cool, and to remember the first thing I learned, and to accept that some of you are going to laugh and scoff and walk away; some of you are going to act really scared and run away; some of you are going to get turned on and embarrassed, and even some of you are going to denounce me publicly.

And I have to accept that, despite everything ... some of you are going to stay.

And to you who stay, all I can say is "Hi, folks. Buckle up, pay attention, and keep calm. You are in for one hell of a weird ride."

Welcome to Hypnotic Erotic.